Back Up

My dad has always told me, "Carrie, traveling is a crazy thing, because it's when you travel that you experience the highest highs that you'll ever feel, but you also experience the lowest lows." During my experiences away from home, I've found this to be extremely true. I'm now two and a half weeks into my trip, and I'm beginning to come down from my initial travel high. The past couple of days have been low. Really low. The "lowest lows" that my dad always warned me about. I'm tired, I'm hot, I miss having my home and my family to rely on. I miss having down time; I miss having me time. I've felt constantly on the verge of tears for a couple of days now. But tonight something changed. Tonight I managed to get out on my own, and even though it's just been for an hour and a half, it's made all the difference in the world. I walked around Florence's center, I bought myself an ice cream, I stumbled upon a beautiful Italian church and took a moment to appreciate the organ music filling the vast space. But what really made the difference is where I'm sitting at this very moment. About 30 minutes ago, I wandered into one of Florence's most beautiful plazas. The square is surrounded by beautiful European buildings, and is full of life. Tourists chat and eat gelato, locals are out walking their dogs, kids pull on their parents' sleeves, begging for a ride on the carousel in the center of the plaza. But there was one aspect of this plaza that specifically drew me in. A street musician stands, guitar in hand, in front of a microphone, not too far from the center of the square. He's singing covers of classic songs, but each word that he sings strikes me in a way that these songs never had before. His voice reminds me of someone.. After listening to a few songs, I realize he sounds like James Blunt. He has that same soft but yet somehow still kind of rough sound. He sings into the microphone, and it seems so effortless that I can't help but wonder if he's lip syncing. I stand watching, song after song after song. And after days of feeling low, I finally felt peaceful again. Everything went back to feeling okay, and I remembered how incredibly blessed I am to be here, having this experience. 

After he finished a beautiful rendition of Dylan's "Blowing in the Wind," I asked him how much he was charging for CDs. He said 10 euros, but I gave him 12- he deserved more, but it was all I had on me. I told him that he was talented and he replied in an Italian accent, "I'm not- I'm just an amateur. There's still a lot to learn." As I walked towards a bench, he began another song. I sat for a couple minutes, just thinking. This man had touched me in such a deep way and yet he still considers himself an amateur. I wonder if he understands the impact that he can have on people just with his voice. His song ended, and he spoke into the microphone, "There's a girl over there who told me I was very talented. I want to sing her a song." He shot me a smile, and continued filling the air with his music.

Without even realizing it, this street singer pulled me out of my funk. He turned my lowest lows into my highest highs. And I don't think he even realized it.

Hamburg reflections

Being in Hamburg, Germany was incredible. Not only was I reunited with 3 of my best friends from exchange, but I was also reunited with the first international city that I ever visited. My time in Hamburg 7 years ago was the first time that ever spent away from my home, away from my family. I was a mere 11 years old, and I left my home for 4 weeks to participate in an international camp at the CISV house located in Hamburg. Stepping into the center of the city on our first day there, I was overcome by that strange déjà vu feeling of, "this looks so familiar.... I think I've been here!" After 7 years, memories begin to fade, but being back in that city, seeing the same buildings, hearing the same language, they all started flooding back to me. I instantly recognized the ancient-roman style architecture of the giant Starbucks in the center of the city (even though it used to be a Burger King last time I was there!), the green copper roofs of the beautiful, castle-like buildings, the birds flying over the waters edge. It felt so distant but so familiar at the same time.

On our last day in Hamburg, I asked Carina, my German friend who was hosting us, if we could try to find the CISV house where my village was held. After finding the address and researching a bus route that would take us there, we were off! We boarded the bus, and I was full of emotion. I had hoped that I would get a chance to return to that house while I was back in Hamburg, but I didn't know if it would be possible. We had to switch busses halfway there, and after waiting for about 10 minutes at the next bus stop, we realized we were about an hour too early to take that bus... So we looked up the address and decided to walk the couple miles to get there. Once we arrived at the street it was on, we didn't know how far down we would have to walk. It could be on the first block or ALL the way at the end of the street- all we knew is that we were on the right street. Just as we were talking about that, I caught a glimpse of the house through the trees. "Oh my god, that's it!" I yelled, as I took off running. 

As soon as I stepped onto the driveway leading up to the house I felt tears welling up in my eyes. Years ago, I used to dream of the day I would walk up that driveway, the brown, white and blue house waiting for me at the other side. I used to cry and wish that I could just be back there at that house with my old friends. But now 7 years have passed, and although every once in a while I still miss village, I have new places and new experiences to love and miss. I used to think that being away from village was the end of the world, the way that I now feel like being away from Peru is the end of the world. I'm a very nostalgic person, I hate time. I hate when things end. I've been told hundreds of times, "Caroline, just because that one experience is over, it doesn't mean that you won't have new experiences that you'll love just as much." It was never an easy concept for me to grasp until I was standing there, in front of the house that I used to miss with all of my heart. In that moment I realized that life is full of great experiences and with time, the pain of their endings will be numbed by the beginnings of new ones. Just because one incredible part of your life ends, it doesn't mean that another isn't just waiting to begin.

As I sat on the patio of what we used to call the "small house" (one of the two buildings on the property), I looked at the porch of the main house. I pictured my 11 year old self leaning against one of the windows, tired, jet lagged and even homesick, nervously looking around at the new campers arriving. I remember that first day perfectly. I had no idea how impactful those next four weeks would be on the course of my life. It was on that porch that I learned the importance of global friendship; it was in that dining hall that I listened to Italians and Ecuadorians speaking to each other in some mix of Italian and Spanish that I discovered my love for languages; it was around that flag pole that I held the hands of my fellow campers and sang the CISV song that I learned how strong a community could truly be. That building, that property, that camp- it changed my life. Had I never taken that first leap of faith at 11 years old, the course of my entire life could have been completely different. And as I sat there on that patio, 7 years later, tears running down my face, all I could feel was gratitude for that house, that program, those people. Without them, I may not be me.

First Stop

Today is July 5th- we are just a few days into our European adventure. It's been a lovely trip so far, however it's felt very close to home. We started the trip by flying into Frankfurt, Germany to visit my old neighbors and close family friends the Scoggins. It's been 5 years now since they left their home on Sherwood Road, and spending a couple of days with them after all this time was great. The three kids, Hannah, Mason and Dustan are all quite a bit older and much more mature than I remember them being (time is a funny thing, huh?). When I last saw them, Hannah and Mason (who then went by Andrew) were still kids- always full of energy (sometimes too much!) and very goofy. Now they've grown into adorable young adults.

Hannah turned 14 years old yesterday, and is officially taller than me AND her mom! It's incredible how much she has changed. I knew her as the crazy little girl I used to babysit, and now all the sudden I consider her a friend! She was the family member that we spent the most time with. She showed us the town, we went out to ice cream together, painted nails, etc. She was super sweet and seemed genuinely very happy to host us. I'm so happy to have created a stronger bond with her!

Mason (also known as "Andrew--- I MEAN MASON!!!") has also grown up quite a bit. It feels like just yesterday that I was going into my sophomore year of high school and now all the sudden, I feel like he's catching up to me!!! 15 years old?! How did those years go so fast? Mason is an extraordinary kid. He has a very artistic eye- always looking to snap cool pictures or videos. Katrina tells me he's quite the little movie maker, and I trust that his movies are excellent... He's a natural. He's also into music. Every once in a while he'll just pull out a guitar and play something, and anything he plays is beautiful. He's a very sweet and polite kid with a great sense of humor.

And wow, where to begin with the little one? The last time I saw Dustan he was a mere two years old. I remember the day little Dusty was born! I watched him learn to crawl, I saw him grow his first baby teeth, I used to crawl around and play with toy cars on the carpet with him. Of course, he was too young to remember me, but I remember young Dusty clear as day! I loved my little ginger baby neighbor. I remember holding him the day the Scoggins moved from Bexley, kissing his head, not knowing if I would ever see that little boy again. And now, here we are, 5 years later, and baby Dusty isn't such a baby anymore. He's a little 7 year old boy now- he jumps on trampolines and plays board games! He's begun to lose those baby teeth that I remember watching him grow, because what need does he have for them now?! He's not a baby anymore- he needs his big boy teeth! I thought that Hannah and Mason had more personality than they used to, but WOW Dustan is practically a different person (not to mention he's fluent in German now too)! I missed those years where he gained more of a personality and skipped right ahead to age 7, where his personality is in full form! He is a very sweet and polite, loving, goofy boy. Unfortunately, only two days before we arrived, Dustan slipped when climbing down from the trampoline and split his elbow, in the same spot as he had a couple of years ago, and he had to go into emergency surgery. He was discharged from the hospital the day that we arrived, but the poor kid was in a lot of pain. His whole arm was in a cast and it had to be elevated at all times. Anytime he would walk around, he would have to hold his broken arm with his other hand, and very simple activities such as standing up off the couch, or buckling into his booster seat became difficult for him. Even though he was in a lot of pain and was devastated about all of the fun things he was missing out on because of his injury, he was a little trooper. He barely complained, and he still made an effort to play with us and enjoy our company. When we went out to dinner last night, I helped him climb into his booster seat, gently holding his cast while he climbed in, then buckling his seat belt best we could. He called out to Katrina in the front seat, "Mom look, Caroline is starting to get the hang of it!" and all the sudden, all I could think about were the days I used to sit and play with him as a baby, saying "Dusty, say 'Caroline!'" and now here we are, chatting like buds! All I wanted was just to hold him in my arms the way I used to, but he's too big now.. It's funny how time works like that.

These three lovely kids were such good company, as were the parents that raised them. Chris and Katrina are such a wonderful couple. The last time that I saw them, I was too young to have real, sophisticated conversations with them, but this time was different. We had such great conversations- from college, to travels, to language, to music, and everything in between! I remember loving them as a kid, but now being with them as a young adult, I have an even greater appreciation for them. I understand so much better now why my parents chose them as best friends. They are sophisticated but yet still fun, they have so many incredible experiences under their belt, there is always something to learn from them. They have such young spirits, and they know how to laugh. They were great hosts- cooking an cleaning for us, going above and beyond to make us comfortable. But what really made them such awesome hosts was that I could see in their eyes how genuinely happy they were to have us there. We sat around the dinner table, reminiscing on old memories from Sherwood Road for hours! We brought them back to Bexley, Ohio, even if just for a couple days, and I could tell that they were as happy to remember Bexley as we were to explore Frankfurt.

The highlight of our stay in Frankfurt was last night. Germany played against France in the quarterfinals of the World Cup. We all went out to dinner at an Irish pub in the center of their town to watch the game. The whole square was filled with excited fans wearing the German colors, holding flags, etc. It was so fun, and when Germany won it was crazy!!! The walk back to their house was so fun. Almost every car that drove down the street was covered in German flags and they would hold down their horns when they saw us. We would wave our flag and scream!! Everyone walking around seemed so proud to be German- it was awesome to see! When we got back to the house, Chris pulled out a bunch of little firecrackers and sparklers and we had some great family time. I held Dustan's broken arm as he threw firecrackers, Hannah, Liz and I twirled around sparklers and Mason took some great pictures. It was definitely the most German- and one of the very best- 4th of Julys that I've ever had!

Our visit with the Scoggins was a great way to start our trip, and I feel so grateful to have such an incredible family that I know is always waiting for me with open arms on the other side of the world.